Do you struggle to:
- Create relationships where you feel truly seen and cherished?
- Receive support, money, and love?
- Consistently overgive and overdo for others?
- You often find yourself depleted after socializing?
Sound like you? Then this might mean you might not have experienced consistent co-regulation as a baby and child.
What is co-regulation?
Co-regulation means a consistent source of soothing, comforting and modeling from a present, compassionate adult that allows the child to understand, express and regulate emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
Let me explain a little more:
- If your caregivers had nervous systems that were stuck on ON or OFF, and they didn’t know how to soothe you.
- If your caregivers freaked out every time you were sad or angry, and their response involved a lot of fear.
- If your caregivers didn’t allow you to play and explore
- If your caregivers were too busy, exhausted or in survival mode to really be present with you.
Then doesn’t this make sense that you developed coping mechanisms of always externalizing your energy outward by giving and studying other people so that you can finally win their love?
I have experienced this too.
A few weeks ago, I experienced somatically how much fear I had around receiving during a retreat workshop.
The task was to request any kind of touch we wanted and then receive it for 5 straight minutes. I found myself almost entirely dissociated and struggling to be present.
This is because, for me, receiving connections from others involved a lot of stress growing up. It wasn’t a soothing, comforting experience.
If this was you too, then it makes sense why you struggle to connect with others in a way that actually feels easeful and rejuvenating.
The way we connect as babies and children will become the way we connect as adults. The cool thing is that we can work on this and transform it.
Since becoming somatically aware of this dynamic in my life, I’ve been able to start to set boundaries, say no more, protect my energy, and be really mindful of the people I spend time with.
So many of my relationships have been incredibly nourishing and soothing, revitalizing and F U N!
One of the most important things to work on in order to achieve healthier relationships is our own nervous system regulation and emotional healing. I share more about this in my free training.